Thoughts

I have kept a personal journal since the age of 18. Many times, I have had so called trusted person read this, and try to use my own words, thoughts and feelings against me. Their own personal agendas and jealousies brought forward. Yet, even with all of that, I have always tried to keep one. I guard it closely, unwilling to trust others as I may have in the past. It is perhaps one of the reasons I found it difficult to share my writings over something as large as the Internet. From a young age, I have had many so called visions or dreams. I never really understood most of them. A lot of them I even called De Ja Vu as they came to pass. I had no clue that some of these visions or dreams were of events that were to take place at a later time. I kinda laugh because, in most of these dreams, dates and times do not tend to lend themselves to me. And, for the people and places that I see, I have to just take note and move on for I do not know these people or of the places seen. I have not had many people in my life believe in me or who I am. This, was a hard long process where I had to learn to believe in myself. It has taken me more than half my life to do this. Yet, with every step I took, I have always felt a larger than life presence...something higher, greater than anything imaginable. I tried all of the so called "churches" and "religions." I never left one book unopened, not one Pastor's brain unpicked. Too many times I found each telling me that I could not belong due to this or that, or that I was not allowed to believe this or that, or that I had to go through this person or that person before "God" would talk to me. Basically, I wasn't good enough. This simply isn't so! What I learned from all of my research, in all of the doctrine's is that we are ALL good enough just as we are. That we are all allowed to talk freely to out "God" or higher power, and that it doesn't matter about the steps we take to get there or by what name we call the all powerful as long as we get there.